I think i peed on brittanys purse
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
