i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize