I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
