I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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