His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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