Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
