Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
