if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
