Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and she was petting her beer can
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize