I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
