i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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