i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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