Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
