Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
