I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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