she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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