Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
