Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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