just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
