So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
