K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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