ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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