im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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