It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
