Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
