My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
