Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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