he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
