broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
