Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
