your room smells of hookers.
And success
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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