That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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