on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
