I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
