totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
