We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
