3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
