there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
