it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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