I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize