What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
