remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
