well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
