So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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