Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
