about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
