I wish I could teleport
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
