I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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