i don't like sucking hair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize