I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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