Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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