I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
