no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
