I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
