none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
