Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
