We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
