No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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