Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
