i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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