god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
