remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
