but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This baby is an asshole
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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