pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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