So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
