I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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