Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
