Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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