He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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