I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
