I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
