so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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