He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
