Reggie can tackle my bush.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
