textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I want to be your penis for a week.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
