just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
