your parents love me but you hate me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize