i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
