Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dick very happy bro
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
