I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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