I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gargled with NyQuil
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
