You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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