Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
