it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
