Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
