Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
