I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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