he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
