Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
