The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
