Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
