Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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