my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
